Busting The Myth Of Confidence
Do you ever find yourself wondering how some people seem to breeze through life with grace and confidence, achieving success in whatever they set their sights on?
From relationships, careers, friendships and family to personal appearance, these people seem to have it all and make it look so effortless - much to the envy of their friends, family and colleagues.
One of the most frequent comments I hear when I’m coaching or mentoring is:
“It’s ok for them, they’re so confident! I can’t do that, I’m too shy, too inexperienced, too serious, too… (fill in the blank)”.
So, I’d like you to consider two things:
1. True Confidence Stems From Being True To Yourself
Whilst perception is deemed to be reality, there are many people that are not as confident as you may think. Many have learned to “mask” part of their selves in order to conform, be accepted or to succeed.
Whilst this can be an effective strategy for getting ahead, it’s not authentic. Behaving or performing in a way we feel we have to in order to fit in or get on eventually takes it’s toll and can lead us to question who we are in the pursuit of being true to ourselves.
This was especially true for me, early on in my corporate career. I lacked confidence and felt I needed to behave in a way that was considered "professional" in order to fit in. I was incredibly private and only showed sides of my personality that I thought people would accept instead of embracing my real self.
It wasn't until a boss asked me who I was and told me that he didn't know anything about me, that sent me on self-discovery journey which was transformational and the key to unlocking my confidence.
I often hear people dish out the advice “fake it till you make it” but I personally don’t think it’s an effective or long-term strategy. Just saying…whatever works for you though!
2. Confidence Is Not The Same As Self Esteem
I have yet to meet someone that is confident in every area of their life. Even those that are super confident and appear to be the lucky ones that have it all, lack confidence. For some, they may be super confident in their ability to deliver results at work but may lack confidence in public speaking. For others, they may exude confidence in their hobby but lack confidence in their parenting skills.
Confidence is not something that you are or are not. It’s a feeling of self-assurance and belief in your own abilities and skills – it can vary depending on the task or situation. Positive experiences, prior successes and healthy self-esteem help to enforce this belief.
Lack of confidence is often mistaken for lack of self-esteem, which is how you feel about yourself overall. In other words, how much positive regard or self-love you have. It’s usually determined by your life experiences and situations that shape the way you view yourself.
For example, you could be very confident in your ability to manage a project but have low self-esteem. This could stem from a feeling of not being good enough – perhaps a teacher never praised your efforts or your parents set extremely high expectations for you.
Developing positive self-esteem and confidence go hand in hand.
We're continuously being told that we have to face our fears and that if we do, success will come, which in turn, will improve our confidence. Unfortunately, it's not that simple and can actually have a negative impact.
Just focussing on facing our fear requires us to take a big leap of faith, dive straight in, hold our breath and hope it works. In some cases it does, but for the majority of people, taking such big strides and risks can cause more fear, anxiety and stress. The end result is not always as positive as hoped, leading to a sense of failure and rumination which reinforces our belief that we are not capable, confident or good enough.
Developing confidence and self-esteem requires us to go on self-development journey and facing our fears is a part of the process.
If you feel that a lack of confidence is holding you back from achieving your goals and the success that you desire, then you’re going to love my new programme “Crack The Code To Confidence”.
Register below to learn how you could develop “off the scale confidence” in just 6 weeks and be on your way to making 2020 your best life.
What could you achieve with “off the scale” confidence?
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